Garfieldtech: TMI About me

Anon - 23 March 2017 at 11:14 pm

Well said Jami

David Snopek - 23 March 2017 at 2:44 pm

It's unfortunate that you were forced to bring your private life out in to the public, when it shouldn't be necessary. But given the alternative (just disappearing without explanation), I'm glad that you did it! Writing this post was unbelievably courageous.

At this point, I'm still hoping this can be a learning experience for the community and that the professional damage done to you can be reversed. While you've been fighting this battle for a while, it's just the beginning for your "allies" :-) Hang in there!

Dave Myburgh - 23 March 2017 at 3:04 pm

Larry, this is by no means how the Drupal community is - it's only some individuals. The rest of us stand by you. What you do in your private life is yours to do. Even if we may not necessarily agree with it (or understand it), it's consensual.

We see this sort of overreaction time and time again. And more often than not, it's from the supposedly progressively-minded people. So much for free speech and expression. Sad state of affairs.

Sam - 23 March 2017 at 3:12 pm

The hypocrisy on display from the bullies is stunning.

Let this be a lesson to all watching: codes of conduct do not exist to promote tolerance, diversity, respect, or to avoid unconstructive resolution of conflict. They exist to create a gray zone that allows for political pressure to be exerted, and to excuse backchanneling and bullying under the guise of morality. Some are more equal than others, and some behavior will absolutely be excused in order to justify a witch hunt.

Dries claims "Larry has entwined his private and professional online identities in such a way that it blurs the lines with the Drupal project." but that was done by the people who stalked and leaked parts of your personal life. He's presenting it as if it was an Act of God and that now he has no choice but to pick up the pieces. This is nonsense. He's explicitly choosing to align his interpretation and policy with that of the bullies. Either he's the project lead and his voice has weight, or he's a figurehead to be used for political aims.

To quote Orwell: the object of power is power. "Diversity" has become a protection racket, aiming for goals that can never be achieved by design, because there is always something new to be outraged about. How many are applauding the speeches, simply afraid of what will happen if they don't?

Larry - 23 March 2017 at 7:53 pm

To be clear, I believe Codes of Conduct can be used for good or ill, just like any tool. On the whole I support them, and believe we are better off with good Codes of Conduct. Drupal has a fairly good one, and I supported the call a year ago to add one to PHP.

Sam - 24 March 2017 at 2:35 am

Tools can be used for good or bad, this is true, but some tools have fatal security flaws built into them that makes it irresponsible to use them in an unsecured environment. In the case of CoCs, that exploit appears to be that it grants automatic validation to anyone who couches their attack in the right shibboleths. It is, pun wholly intended, a privilege escalation.

Denial and reversal is a common feature in many abusive relationships. I think there is a large body of accumulated evidence that this exploit is used time and time again to justify actions that go against both the spirit and the letter of the average CoC. In the case of the DCOC, the wording is explicitly apolitical and it does not adhere to any particular agenda beyond collaboration and respect... yet this current debacle has revolved explicitly around gender dynamics, sexuality, diversity quotas, and so on, which proves that that doesn't matter. It is impossible not to notice that the CoC is used as a symbolic weapon to justify a hidden reading, understood by all present, relying on the fact that what is "derogatory" and "offensive" is entirely in the eye of the beholder, subject to immense prejudice and groupthink.

The exploit analogy really is quite apt, it's very much like a buffer overflow: all you need to do is flood the system with enough misrepresented noise to cause it to explode, and what happens after has very little to do with what triggered it in the first place.

There is a reason that the justice system throws out tainted evidence and sometimes lets offenders get off scot free due to an abuse of procedure. It is a necessary evil to avoid greater abuse of the innocent. It is a readily observable fact that those who enforce the law are no less likely to break it than a common citizen. For a CoC to be viable long term, it has to be explicitly constructed to be resilient to malicious actors, to immediately shut down attempts to subvert it, and to very clearly limit its scope. There are a handful of documents (like FCOP) that acknowledge and attempt this, and it is abundantly clear that the activists pushing for CoCs do not like them. Their adopters get slandered and berated for sticking to universal principles, as we saw with LambdaConf.

Better to not have them at all and be honest with ourselves about which game is really being played here.

Larry - 24 March 2017 at 8:31 pm

The Community Working Group has stated, multiple times, that I have not violated the Code of Conduct. Dries' actions, as he's stated, were not about my "conduct" but what he perceives to be my "beliefs". The CoC is not at fault for this situation, IMO. People are.

</article>

Naveen Valecha - 23 March 2017 at 4:12 pm

I don't know much about the BDSM and your community and nobody should take any business from your personal life. Commenting on someone personal life is nobody business and It should not happen. Stay strong. Hugs.

We have met in person with you at DrupalCon Asia and also mine experience with you over interaction over the community. I have never felt something that you're influencing someone towards your personal life.

Kevin Stevens - 23 March 2017 at 4:35 pm

...that actions taken against you would be reversed in the light of enlightened thinking and appropriately applied public pressure. However, my realistic expectation is that the inability to admit error will force a digging in against you. I'm sorry for the bullshit you are going through.

William O'Connor - 23 March 2017 at 5:07 pm

I don't know Larry well, but I've been in the community for a decade and talked with him many times. I've always respected his technical acumen and his ability to communicate his vision for the Drupal project. He is a unique and gifted engineer and we will all be worse off if this travesty continues.

I've never cared nor asked about what Larry did behind closed doors and I am absolutely saddened that he had to write this post in an effort to fight back against the unfair behavior of the Drupal leadership. I pray that there can be some resolution to this wherein the leadership of Drupal recognizes their faults and apologizes for the harm they have done Larry and the community.

Keep up the good fight. You deserve better and any way that I - or we in the community - can advocate for you, we will.

FamiComplex - 23 March 2017 at 5:09 pm

I've only been working with the Drupal community for about a year, but one thing I've loved is the sense of inclusion, the fact that we're a huge community, diverse and welcoming.

I admit, this is a hell of a shock to the system.

While I'm not terribly familiar with Gor, specifically, I'm quite familiar with BDSM lifestyle. I never thought there was even a remote possibility that my personal preferences could impact my livelihood, but here we are, I guess.

Fact is, there are more "freak" developers than you'd think. And we'll stand with you, even if if that means banding together and collaborating on a new CMS that'll be a bit more inclusive.

Spud KcKeen - 23 March 2017 at 6:05 pm

I suggest all we that support Larry, add him as mentor on our drupal.org profile. I'm going to do this right now. Let's make him #1 mentor in drupal.org, to prove that we respect him and his good work.

MP - 23 March 2017 at 6:29 pm

A witch trial. Being tied to the bed, being "taken," being a sex slave — these are all variations of the primary sexual archetype, which is that one being exerts force over another. This is consensual, it's wanted, but it's force. How many perfectly respectable couples enact rape fantasies? How many women in their 40s will put on school girl uniforms so their husband can feel he's fucking a barely-or-not legal adult? What we do in the bedroom is irrational, and much of what we simulate would be illegal in real life. The basic archetype of sex is that one more powerful person forces themselves over another. Anything that's not this is bland and not sex. But in real life we've learned that cooperation works much better than force. Sex ≠ real life. Sex is the opposite of real life; it's the irrational pouring out of pent up instincts. And having the other person be ok with that, being able to be completely vulnerable with another, completely transparent, fully seen, is the foundation of love. Consent is everything. Which is why the BDSM community, and I'm not a part of it, there are strict rules about consent. But so it is in any sexual relationship. Consent can be withdrawn at any second. And how you react to the withdrawal of consent makes you either a rapist, if you don't comply, or a great lover, if you do. I mean, Cosmo magazine will tell you that much, for goodness sake. Among the several meaningless arguments of the DA, there is no proof Larry has ever forced himself on anyone — outside the workplace or at the workplace, or that he lacks self-control emotionally or professionally. Since clearly he is great at consent and mutual satisfaction — why is a mindful guy being let go? If anything, the supreme self-control required for BDSM must have had a positive influence on his self-discipline and work performance. There are thousands of people with a diaper fetish. There are millions with a foot fetish. What actions like DA's accomplish is to keep their employees’ productivity down by policing parts of their lives that are nobody's business. Would you rather people felt shame around their fetishes? Let them find people who are into the same thing they’re into. Let them feel accepted and loved. Let them be in fulfilling relationships. You want happy, productive employees? Get the fuck out of the BDSM sites. Unless you're there looking for a lover yourself.

Mark Brown - 23 March 2017 at 6:30 pm

Larry, I am saddened you have had to endure this and disappointed the leadership declined to act upon their own self-professed principles. If I were in a position of leadership and chose to act that way, I would be disgusted with my own lack of courage.

Stay strong my friend!!!

bobmagicii - 23 March 2017 at 6:36 pm

After meeting Larry and listening to him speak about how they were finally making Drupal modern inside, I was finally able to hear the word Drupal without my blood pressure blowing out the roof. Guess I'm back to square one on that front.

wouldntdareriskmycareer - 23 March 2017 at 10:26 pm

has been so influential in modernizing the behemoth that Drupal has become is likely the real reason for the witch hunt when it comes down to it.

Mark - 26 March 2017 at 5:30 pm

And how is this so?

<article class="comment">
  <header>
    <span class="comment-author">Rita</span> - <time datetime="2017-04-16T08:04:09+00:00">16 April 2017 at 8:04 am</time>
  </header>
  <div class="comment-body">
    It's weird that in 2017 we have to publicly write to justify our sexual and private life. I'm somehow into the lifestyle and I can assure you there's no such thing as respectful and consensual as bdsm. Bdsm is a choice, and I speak from the submissive point of view. In fact I see myself as a slave, and this  never affect my everyday life, my social and professional  behaviour and the way I interact with people I know.

The only disrespect I see in all the matter is toward Mr. Garfield. Only toward him. Sorry for my English, I'm Italian.

Chuck - 23 March 2017 at 6:36 pm

Hello Drupal Community,

Reading this post makes me profoundly sad to hear that we have YET ANOTHER abhorrent example of the gross discrimination present in any open community. I am worried, sickened, and completely at a loss as to why so many people believe that it is their "duty" to spread their personal views & beliefs onto the masses. I am also SUPREMELY DISAPPOINTED to hear that Dries is on the WRONG side of things here. In complete violation of the Drupal Community Code of Conduct, of which I believe Dries should be a shining example of. If you can't live by your own standards, how can you as others to? For many years I have had friends in many alternative lifestyles, co-workers struggling with degrees of comfort in their own sexuality and family members who had to make the difficult decision to tell the world who they really are. Our family has loved and supported them through this, although we got to witness the extreme bigotry that is present in the LGBT community from outside forces. I was so sad to see how many people hated/disrespected/thought less of someone they have never spoken with, someone who is not like them so they must be BAD. I was hoping to find that the Drupal Community at large had the standard issues, how to get more minority & female developers involved. I have to ask the Drupal Contributors at large, if this is how we treat a Caucasian Affluent Male in the Tech industry, how can anyone on the outside edges of society ever believe that they can find a home here? How can we ask them to get involved, if there is the looming fear that something done for religious or family reasons will be taken incorrectly and used against them. To force them to remove themselves & their contributions from our "inclusive" project just because someone else is uncomfortable, innovation would never happen. To wrap this up, I believe that anything less that a full public apology delivered at DrupalCon during the keynote by Dries would be damaging to our community. I truly believe that if the Drupal Community, Drupal Association, and Drupal contributors are actually committed to have a "deserve & inclusive" group of users, we need to address this issue head on & absolutely. Leaving any kind of doubt that this type of behavior is acceptable will leave open a door, that we all want firmly shut. Again, I am sorry to hear that Larry has to go through such a public mess, but let us all learn from it and follow his example. Let us not let someone bully us into submission, but bring to the forefront issues that will help improve our community, one conversation at a time.

Frank - 23 March 2017 at 6:48 pm

This is terrible and outrageous. This is not what the Drupal Community is about and I am very sorry that it is going down like this. I hope they come to their senses and resend their decision and bring back a great contributor.

NaN - 23 March 2017 at 6:55 pm

https://twitter.com/slashrsm/status/804611987451867137

cosmicdreams - 23 March 2017 at 7:16 pm

I latched onto The Drupal community at a time when I felt like the rest of the world abandoned me. I have been uplifted at how effortless this community has accepted so many and how the emphasis and encouragement is a perpetual force within this community. I am shocked and frightened to know it's limits.

I shouldn't ignore this issue just because no one has objected to me.

Ray Paseur - 23 March 2017 at 7:31 pm

@Crell: This is disgusting, and I think you may have an actionable case. Save your emails and telephone logs. Someone (perhaps many someones) needs to be held accountable for an apology, for reinstatement, and to pay monetary damages to you over this. I've never seen anything but great presentations from you, and I admire and value your contributions to our community.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tort

Cordially, Ray Paseur, McLean, VA

LG - 23 March 2017 at 7:41 pm

Thanks for posting, Larry. If you really haven't been accused by any Drupal member of violating the covenant, then I'd like to think there is a way to undo this banishment. However, I'm also aware that institutions have much more liability than individuals in speaking freely on such 'personnel' matters, and so we are likely to only hear your story and not the Drupal Association's. So while I greatly value Larry's work and freedom of private consensual sexual activity, I'd caution those who are incensed and angry to at least consider that there might be something about this matter that you don't know, that might explain the DA's actions. Also,I know nothing about this actual case, but some of those who are angry and incensed would be angry and incensed even if Larry had, say, committed forcible rape upon a Drupal member - because there are many men who actually think rape should be legal, and Larry you did once Tweet in defense of their public spokesperson (Milo Y). That I didn't appreciate. I have spent 20 years of my life supporting and helping heal a disabled woman who was disabled as result of being violently raped by a doctor in hospital as a child. It took her all those 20 years just to basically recover sanity. I would go to jail for murder before I allowed one person to commit legalized rape. That said, I have no problem with your private choices as long as they involve adult, competent partners who are not coerced in any way. I figured out the first time I saw your girlfriend and you together that you were practicing some kind of dom/sub thing. I has a slight inward wish to be sure it was truly mutually consenual, and so I hovered a bit about your girlfriend (who was practicing being mute) and she gave me a smile and a wink that reassured me on that point. At that same conference, you and I interacted a little bit on technical matters and you were more helpful and open than most men I've dealt with in tech - frankly, you were one of the men who acted normal around me rather than like a blowhard know-it-all who I provably knew more than. So Larry and Dries, and all, be well. Thanks anything you can do to improve the state of relations between men and women in the tech industry, because it is blocking our best work when we argue.

Larry - 23 March 2017 at 8:28 pm

I don't recall ever saying anything in support of Milo Y. I have on occasion called out people responding to hate with hate, because I think that's counter productive. Perhaps that's what you mean.

Just to make it crystal clear: Rape is a crime. Rape should be a crime. Rape must be a crime. We as a society need to get a hell of a lot better at holding people responsible for that crime. I also know women who have been raped. It's... I can't think of an sufficiently negative adjective. :-(

Consent and communication are core to any healthy relationship, whatever its dynamic. And as long as those are there, I don't see that it's my place to criticize someone else's decisions. (If they're not, then there's a big problem.)

As to the "girlfriend' you mention, a few people have commented on her. She's not my girlfriend. She's an autistic woman who is mute by choice (due to her autism), pathologically shy and introverted, and whose autistic focus (autistics often fixate on a particular topic) was being in a D/s relationship. The autism is also why she almost never made eye contact. That meant there were very few people who were able to care for her. I was one of them when her previous living arrangement became untenable (through no fault of her previous housemate), so I took her in and supported her for over 4 years. Both of the autism therapists I took her to were fully aware of her situation and had no issue with it. We also learned some basic ASL so that we could communicate better (and often did). She wanted to learn about Drupal and programming, so I brought her to a few Drupal and PHP events with me at her request.

None of her visibly unusual behavior was D/s-related. It was almost entirely autism-related. I only wish I had been able to do more to help her acclimate to herself and be able to collaborate with others. (She had only just recently self-diagnosed as autistic when she moved into my house.)

LG - 24 March 2017 at 7:02 pm

Larry, thanks for your reply and clarifications. I can't recall the tweet on Milo whatever but I think it was criticising people who were trying to stop him from speaking through disruptive protest. I believe many women, myself included, don't often speak up publicly even for their own basic juman rights for the very real fear of being stalked, raped, murdered, or fired from their jobs in tech or other sectors. And then we have this random guy who publicly advocates for wholesale legalized rape to keep women in their place and gets hundreds of thousands of likes from the men around me. He seems to be at best terrorism advocate who gets away with it because apparently there are not many women willing to go all batshit on his a** like would happen if a woman stood up and argued for the similarly terroristic act of arbitrary castration to keep men submissive. So - it is disheartening at best, depressing on average, and terrorizing at worst to see a man I respect and admire and appreciate for his contributions (you) take time to defend that guy's first amendment rights. I do appreciate your words against rape above, and I would hope that women get to decide what rape is rather than men. I'm not wanting to trivialize rape with the edge cases, but rather make sure that all serious cases are considered that. It used to be there was no such thing as drugged rape, marital rape, rape of men, etc. These can all be very serious and damaging over a lifetime and women (and men) need to be allowed to set the boundaries around our own bodies.

On my other errant comment - sorry to have misinterpreted the situation with your roommate. I stand corrected on that matter. Its very kind of you to care for your friend.

I hope that this rift in community can be an opportunity for healing in some way. I really hate the divisions we are experiencing in the tech world. It definitely seems like its grown worse the longer I've been in the industry. I've never seen as many hateful glares from men as I've experienced in the last five years at tech conferences. I just don't get it because the number of murders, rapes, assaults, thefts, and other crimes is statistically way higher in the male to female direction than the other way around. And I doubt any guy has been told at work that his gender should have "never been allowed to vote." I put up with this kind of crap daily, and still work my butt off for my clients and my company. And as long as your beliefs about relationships do not stray into you trying to take away any woman's right to participate fully in our democracy, our economy, and individual autonomy and dignity, I will defend your rights to your own beliefs and practices with a mutually consenting competent of-age partner.

Thanks for your time - I'll get back to work now!

Mike van Riel - 23 March 2017 at 7:47 pm

Larry,

Although we have met only a few times in the past I have always experienced you as someone with your heart in the right place. You have been friendly, patient and gave 200% for Drupal in all your communication. Be it the FIG, conferences or anywhere else.

That this has happened leaves me completely flabbergasted. The witch hunt that has been held is appalling. Your preferences should not be anyone's business as long as you do not harm anyone by them. And as far as I can discern, based on my personal experiences, your interactions in the Drupal community and the PHP community at large, and the information that was spread during this crazy series of events you have done wronged noone.

I personally hope that this situation will at least bring something good by opening up the discussion and give Drupal a chance to grow even more when it comes to diversity. I also hope that those who have violated your privacy are judged for their actions who, if I understand correctly, are in gross violation of the DCOC.

A big hug, Mike

SAM - 23 March 2017 at 7:49 pm

I'm not a member of the Drupal community, but I'm deeply involved in FOSS. One large project I'm involved in has a fair number of people who are also involved in the many flavors of BDSM, though we dare not mention it for fear of the same sort of reaction. I intimately understand how difficult, and how terrible this is for you. I deeply admire your resolve to stand up and not be bullied. As the TG community starts to get well deserved respect, I sometimes wonder if we're the last group where open discrimination will be tolerated. This post is a milestone in making the answer to that question "no". I thank you for it. As grateful as I am for this, I am even more appalled that this has made it as far as Dries without anything but the opposite outcome. My respect for him, and for the Drupal community as a whole, has been severely damaged by these events. I hope they make this right. If not, I hope you sue their asses off.

Elaine - 23 March 2017 at 8:54 pm

Kinky nerdy queer female geeky BDSM educator here.

I'm not addressing the entire issue; I'm just addressing a fallacy of logic I see in the thread over on Dries' site. It's common when "X" lifestyle / hobby / pasttime / relationship pattern is combined with sexuality, and is often ignored when it's not regarding sexuality.

We may think more clearly about kink vs real life if we first consider this set of analogies:

Roller coaster riders don't wish to plunge over a rocky cliff to their deaths in a car.
CLUE players are unlikely to be plotting how to do in Colonel Mustard in the library.
Watchers of CSI are unlikely to be storing human bodies in freezers.
Rugby players are not going to war, even if they collect almost as many injuries.
SCA (Society for Creative Anachronisms) players are not advocating a return of the monarchy, even if they do pepper conversations with "my lady" a little too often for my (personal) taste.

The games we play are just that -- we take our bents, our thrills, our desires both wholesome and dark, find willing partners and revel in expressing our joy with them. When we join with a community of folks who love the same things, we do experience it as a culture. But this is the important part: How we play is one thing. How we ACT in the real world is another.

Please, non-kinky folks, when you are thinking about this issue, divorce your personal "ick" feeling about BDSM sexuality from the reality of humans interacting with each other.

There's about the same percentage of jerks, abusers and reprehensible bastards in any given community, whether that's professional chefs or perverts. It's important to address sexism, abuse, consent violations and such behaviours in all communities. But don't take consensual sexualities wildly out of context and apply them as if the kinky folks are attempting to play out their dynamics in the workplace / at conventions / in actual real life.

Otherwise you'll have to feel nervous about carpooling to a Drupal convention with that roller-coaster aficionado.

Anonymous Friend - 23 March 2017 at 8:56 pm

I am not a part of the Drupal community…but I live in Chicago, and Larry has been a close friend for over 2 years. During that time, he has shared with me a great deal about his personal beliefs and values - enough for me to generally understand the subtleties of how he personally interprets the Gorean belief system - and how that does (and does not) impact his actions.

Some quick background: I am a strong woman. I am a feminist. I am successful at my job in IT and quite capable of living my independent life. I am ALSO a submissive (it's how I most strongly define my sexual orientation), and I seek out CONSENSUALLY non-equal relationship dynamics. Therefore, given some of the recent backlash, this comment is anonymous.

Larry and I dated for over a year. It didn't work out for us - but that was for reasons common in many failed relationships, not because of a specific clash with "Gorean beliefs." I found him to be an honorable and good man: At NO TIME during the entire relationship did Larry violate or show any indication that he might even want to violate my consent/stated limits. At NO TIME did Larry pressure, push, or manipulate me into doing something I wasn't comfortable with. At NO TIME did Larry undermine my intelligence or career aspirations - in fact he celebrated and encouraged them both. And at NO TIME during or since that relationship have I seen Larry do (or even suspected him of doing) any of those things to other women.

I've read some of the more negative Twitter comments out there, and I would like to remind folks that the Gor novels are hyperbolic - as Larry himself will regularly remind anyone who is in the know (which is kind of all of you now, I guess) - they're a fiction series, after all! In reality, I have understood his interpretation as: SOME (not all) women feel an inherent desire to be service-oriented and to submit in a relationship. And SOME (not all) men feel more fulfilled in a relationship where they dominate a consensually-submitting woman. In what way is that wrong if everyone is informed, consenting, and happy? In what way is that in any way anti-woman?

Personally, I appreciate that there are men out there who will stand for my long fought-for rights to actually CHOOSE how I live my life, rather than be forced into something that doesn't fit me because of current social standards. In my mind, CHOICE is the whole point of feminism. Larry has always shown me that he is someone who holds up EVERY PERSON'S right to choice and legal equality.

I am saddened by what has happened to him in this community that he obviously cares so much about and has devoted so much effort toward building. I hope that those in Drupal will continue to recognize that actions SHOULD speak louder than words.

Anonymous Acquaintance - 23 March 2017 at 11:36 pm

I think you've touched on a very important part of what is happening. The patriarchy wants dominion over women by default. Larry asks the women he is romantic with what they want. He is open and honest about it. The people judging him are terrified by the idea. They want to avoid talking about it because the cultural default is "Men are dominant when they want to be and get to ignore women otherwise." It is very comfortable for patriarchy. If women talk about what they want and need from a relationship it's all downhill for conservative men in power. Kink culture cares about what everyone gets out of the relationship and it's a lot of work.

I think Larry appearing to be "normal" to the people at the top of Drupal and turning out to be kinky feels like a betrayal. They allowed him all the privileges of a vanilla white cis man. But he wasn't vanilla, and when he got called out for it he didn't slink away in shame like he was supposed to. Instead he said, "This is who I am and I like myself." That's a big slap in the face for the establishment.

Robert Phair - 23 March 2017 at 9:09 pm

I cannot help but wonder if this dictatorially imposed exile was motivated by the direct competition between platform.sh and Acquia Cloud: as with any other crime, it establishes motive.

I've tried to adopt the suggestion of others to include crell as a drupal.org profile mentor, hoping at least that measurement of support would go through the roof, but the system's not accepting it so I fear the dire case of condemnation without trial by a jury of peers: peers who, almost without exception, are standing behind Larry.

For the sake of Drupal's longevity I hope this is the last we will ever have to hear of personal and cultural discrimination in any such high profile "open" source project.

O'Brien - 23 March 2017 at 9:19 pm

I admire the bravery in this post. We all have our quirks, ways in which we're different, things we want to keep private.

To be spied upon, campaigned against and forced into open is disgraceful. No doubt instigated by people who have plenty in their lives they'd like to keep private and not be judged upon.

The Drupal ThoughtPol will write their CoCs and opine about diversity, tolerance and equality. But if you're too diverse, there's no tolerance or equality just ostracism.

Earl - 23 March 2017 at 9:42 pm

I've greatly admired Larry's technical writing, talks, and other contributions since getting into Drupal a couple of years ago. And now I'm just blown away by this very personal revelation. He has been treated horribly, for which I am so very sad. I hope that Dries et al will end up doing the right thing.

Terry B. - 23 March 2017 at 9:56 pm

So much for all those years of dedication and contribution to the project. Some thanks.

Larry has always been nothing but helpful to me in Chicago Drupal and PHP community. He taught, and helped. Learning the tech and getting help when I needed it was why I went to the meetups in the first place. Some central organization's rigid social ideals were not the draw.

Matt2000 - 23 March 2017 at 10:15 pm

I am so disappointed in the DA, Dries, and Megan. They are so wrong.

Larry, please never doubt that there are so many of us who support you and appreciate your efforts on behalf of the Drupal community, both in technology and in diversity.

texan - 23 March 2017 at 10:49 pm

I voted for Trump. Are they coming after me next?

Homer - 23 March 2017 at 11:00 pm

The irony can't be overstated. The community (Drupal) that strives for diversity found a way to thwart it.

Sarah_P - 23 March 2017 at 11:13 pm

After ten years in the community, I have watched similar, more subtle things happen to others, including myself. There is a lack of emotional maturity in the Drupal community and the way that the leadership processes these conflicts is unprofessional and disturbing. Instead of speaking up publicly I have often just reduced my participation as have others I know, voluntarily and involuntarily. And for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have faced this ridiculousness Larry and I'm sorry that I wasn't there to do the emotional labor of making everyone calm the fuck down. Because we all know that's mostly left to the women of this community that is SO WORRIED about women being slaves.

Charles Novick - 23 March 2017 at 11:56 pm

I am so sorry to hear that such intolerance has infected our community.

John Yunitas - 24 March 2017 at 12:23 am

I think that this an unfair treatment to Larry and became to be the victim of DA, Klaus Purer, Dries, CWG, and Megan Sanicki.

It's a clear case of discrimination against one of the community members and seems is only based in the idea that his private practices are wrong.

Drupal code of conduct was not affected by him.

No one complained of him on the Drupal community about being unprofessional, or having a detriment behavior with his colleagues male and female.

I don't think that he even had a fair discussion with CWG or DA or anyone.

Out of the blue and because there were some rumors of his private life he was condemned for the leader of the project Dries that does not present or provides any evidences of wrongdoing in the Drupal Community. At least not evidences that weight towards the Drupal Code of conduct or to even harm at any level Drupal project, events or prestige.

DA, CWG and Megan Sanicki, would have a poor role on this matter. Seems that the DA entirely is at the service of Dries.

CWG decisions were dismissed for the leader like a good dictator would do. He gives no chance to hear all the parties involved. He does not cared about the implications.

Finally and worst Klaus Purer, the way that he operated, was bullying, threat people, harass Larry in their private life that does not have anything to do with Drupal Community.

Dries and DA you are destroying a community with theses actions, is shameful and wrong that this happens this way.

Dries you are the one that is violating the Drupal code of conduct by discriminating somebody for his sexual orientation or beliefs. if you have evidence present it otherwise hold your decision, but also hold the disrespect for you and DA which seems obligated to your will.

fiasco - 24 March 2017 at 12:52 am

Larry has been a personal mentor, leader and friend to me. I respect him greatly. I've found his character and conduct within the Drupal Community amicable. Qualities I'm sure Dries saw also when he appointed Larry over some of the most ambitious core initiatives Drupal has ever faced (IMO).

As community members, we all have perspectives that don't align well with others in our community. But the fact remains that male, female, straight, gay, gorean, celibate, christian, muslim or atheist, we all have worked together to make Drupal what it is. And Larry perhaps more than most in the community.

I choose to believe that Larry is an honest person. In my view, he's certainly conducted himself well during this issue more so than his primary accuser (klausi) who seems rather quiet about all this. I believe Larry truly feels the actions of his private life have not violated the Drupal CoC.

Dries and the DA stand by their decision based on sensitive information not known to us, the public. But is it known to Larry? That he's had a chance to speak to that information? This I've yet to understand. But it would be my expectation that if Larry knew and did believe his actions were wrong, his character would not be to mislead the community and force a bias against Drupal, the association and leadership. I just don't see that in Larry's nature.

Larry said a good developer will look both ways when crossing a one way street. The principle being that your work reflects the habits and values in your life (a good developer considers the possibilities, not just the requirements).

Larry, I sincerely hope that the values in your life haven't abused those in the Drupal Community. I hope they've offended, disgruntled and excited people though. They are the hallmarks of diversity we're defending here. But not abused. I trust that if you have abused someone, you acknowledge it, apologise and seek forgiveness from those you hurt. Whether that is public or not I couldn't care less. I just wish to see the Crell I know restored in the community that is gratefully thankful of the contributions he brings.

LED - 24 March 2017 at 1:20 am

Larry, * I'm a huge nerd * I'm slightly autistic and have done incredible technical work. * I subscribed to the same "facebook of the kinky community" 6 years ago * I've been a strong Free Software advocate since 1998 * My first relationship was also emotionally abusing, and you know what ? I healed thanks to the kinky community.

Engineering communities are paradoxically more straining than the BDSM communities because the goals are totally different. The fact that you receive such a strong support from kinksters and so many comments here proves my point ! Unfortunately, flagship projects (whether engineering or not, free or commercial) are seen as vehicles of power, that bullies are trained to abuse and they will attack any (percieved) weaknesses.

I find Goreans weird, but you know what ? So many things are weird. What matters is your choices, your actions, and you broke no rule. It matters that you are a good person, and you WILL remain so, whatever others say to destabilize you.

I have forwarded this page to several kinky geeks friends, so keep it up.

Don't give up ! Resistance is not futile.

Seven - 24 March 2017 at 2:09 am

Totally dismayed by this appalling miscarriage of justice. I hope you can take some comfort in the support of so many members of the community, but is there anything we can do? Is there anything that anyone can do? (Petitioning Dries, the CWG, or the DA on change.com? Even a legal challenge?)

In the meantime, I can't continue to support an organisation that preaches inclusion and diversity while acting completely contrary to those values - persecuting long-time contributors for alleged "thoughtcrime". So I'll be looking for a new platform...

Michael - 24 March 2017 at 2:20 am

Dries need to go. This is a gross failing on his part, and I believe he puts Acquia's commercial interests ahead of the project. I don't see how Drupal can possibly claim The Community as it's biggest draw after this.

Kay - 24 March 2017 at 2:22 am

As someone who has been in and out of the lifestyle, and female, I can sit here and say this is exactly why I haven't ever gone public with that part of my life. The lack of knowledge and understanding turns to fear, real fast.

I can't believe that the oh-so-tolerant powers that be have acted this way towards you, after everything you've done for Drupal. You've always been a gentleman and if someone like you can get destroyed... Who is next? What will they not understand and go after next?

I am sorry you've had to make your private life this public, Larry. You've been handling this outwardly with Grace and poise. I hope it works out for the best with You.

Be well.

Jason Lotito - 24 March 2017 at 2:57 am

We've met, though I doubt you'd remember. Regardless, whether we had or had not, you'd have my support, whatever it's worth.

I'm not involved with the BDSM culture myself (not my cup of tea), but I had friends who were. They were kind, welcoming, caring, and generally really good people. People you could rely on. People that cared about you. They were friends, and they helped me through some crazy times in my life. And they consented to the roles they played. Some were consistent on one side or the other, another couple mixed it up. I'm not entirely sure, mostly because they kept it private, and it didn't matter! They were good people. They did good things.

I'm not a Drupal community member. But I can already tell that what's happening to you is wrong, and is contrary to any community that is supposedly against bullying.

In the end, you have nothing to be shameful of. You know that, and I hope the outpouring of support is at some level helpful.

John Yunitas - 24 March 2017 at 3:10 am

They say in some statements from DA and CWG that you had a chance to talk about your case,

Can you let us know what other evidences were added against you?

Did you had the chance to present your side of all this matter with DA or CWG?

Why the secrecy in all this you already have come to talk about this and give transparency to this matter? They say that trust on them but this creates the opposite feeling.

I still think that you are the victim here and that this is a case of discrimination.

Benjamin Doherty - 24 March 2017 at 3:38 am

Larry,

While I was involved with Drupal, I developed a great respect for your work and contributions. Your vision for the project became my education in software development. Thank you.

Growing up to be a queer man, the shame and disgust that society tried to impose on me would have been crushing and deadly if I hadn't a community as a source of support. I'm deeply saddened to see this happening here to you.

Tom Geller - 24 March 2017 at 8:17 am

Larry, I'm so sorry. There's no excuse for the way you're being treated. It's bigotry, plain and simple.

I've commented in response to Dries' and the DA's blog posts, and will send out at least one tweet soon.

And for public record, my name on FetLife is @TomGeller.

TipiT - 24 March 2017 at 9:03 am

I've been following your career a few years now and your contribution is (one of) the most important out there. It should not matter what you do in private life and shame on then who are digging to find something that can harm you.

Any publicity is good publicity. So the Drupal project should use this situation to get the word out that we really welcome everyone to the community and it is ok to share your interests in private life - whatever they are. P.S. I hope you can give your presentations in the future because I like your style!

Arvids - 24 March 2017 at 9:23 am

Reading all that, I can say only one thing: sue their ases for good. That has gone from a Drupal related issue to a outright criminal case around half-way though the article. Essentially, you are being forced out of work due to religious and sexual reasons, harassment and intimidation. And you will have direct business losses because of that. Find a lawyer ASAP and let him handle all this crap.

Shank - 24 March 2017 at 9:45 am

Thanks for sharing.

I appreciate all you have given to the community and I don't give two fucks what you do in your consensual sex life.

If people would spend as much time on their own life as they do on other's lives, they might find their own life more fulfilling.

Anonymous - 24 March 2017 at 1:00 pm

With big struggle I went beyond my own wall of self-denial a couple of years ago and now I'm actively involved in the BDSM community in private, but I'm also a rather visible individual in another open source community, even if not at your level. This is exactly what I fear of. On one hand I just found more freedom for myself, more clarity and consensual activity in the BDSM community that I ever found outside of it, and yet on the other hand I see the world out there that is ready to condemn any of my private personal choices if it had a chance without even taking time to understand how respectful and empowering they are.

Some days I'm tempted to come out and become an advocate on the subject, but the risk is really high as you mentioned as well.

I'm sorry I'm writing this anonymously, but I'm sure you understand. I just wanted to still leave a small token of "you're not alone" in the form of this comment.

Winston Orwell - 24 March 2017 at 1:41 pm

This Klaus Purer person seems like a real go-getter! Glad to know that there's people in the Drupal community that police others' personal and private lives in order to keep the collective "pure". I wouldn't doubt that in Klaus' mind, his intentions are pure and resting on the bedrock of diversity. It's too bad that Klaus thinks he's the one that should be the arbiter of morality for the Drupal community.

I'm pretty sure if you scratched the surface of Klaus' exterior, you'd end up with enough thoughtcrime that he'd be able to convict himself in his own kangaroo court and have to banish himself. Wouldn't it be a shame to find that Klaus has tweeted things that have made me, a woman, uncomfortable? Oh look:

https://twitter.com/_klausi_/status/843752872097562625

"@BartFeenstra yes, our semen will giggle. Or something like that ?" 5:15 AM - 20 Mar 2017

I find this comment unwarranted and adds a sexual dimension to the public discourse of a Drupal person. I fear thoughtcrime in this circumstance and I, as a woman, feel awkward around this person because they've sexualized a situation in public for no reason. See the slippery slope yet Klaus?

As a woman in the Drupal community for nearly 10 years, and as someone who owns a consulting shop that specializes in Drupal, this situation sours me on dedicating any more resources to the project as one can lose their livelihood, career and potentially a business at the sole discretion of people like Klaus.

BBoy - 27 March 2017 at 9:02 pm

Some might wonder if klausi is ensuring there's less easy material for people to turn on him with...

https://twitter.com/_klausi_/status/840317501900771329

"Deleted all my tweets older than 90 days, that was long overdue #privacy"

GeneralRedneck (Allan Chappell) - 24 March 2017 at 2:22 pm

I have treated everyone I've worked with, men and women, with respect as peers and equals.

Larry has always treated everyone I know with respect and kindness. Even (especially) the new community members. In fact, his reputation of doing just that, as well as being knowledgable and honest, is what brings people to talks, flock around him, and respect his leadership.

He is a great leader. He should lead. He should be respected. And none of this should be because of his equally consenting sexual life style. I'll gladly stand beside Larry.

Larry, Thank you for what you have done for this community. I know this is one small voice in the community of thousands... but I will voice your right to not be bullied.

Long Time Drupalist - 24 March 2017 at 3:23 pm

Known you for years via Drupal, I only 'discovered' your connection to the kink scene only by accident (and I'm an active involved member myself). I only noticed it due to my specific knowledge about who you are, that overlapped... you didn't draw any undue connections, other than using the same username in multiple places.

I'm disappointed in Dries, and the community, but I'm not shocked. The PC takeover of Drupal has only gotten worse and worse. When MortenDK was removed for his nonPC vocalness (it was long standing and yet he still was elected), I knew the writing was on the wall. I slowly began to withdrew from the Drupal community, despite my continued daily job using/developing it. Why give them ANY of my energy, when they don't value anyone whom they disagree with?
Are Trump supporters unwelcome? If someone does an alt-right website and asks for Drupal support, what then? Social Justice convergence of Drupal is a bad thing for the 'community' and more so for Drupal.

Crell, you are better than them. And many of us know it.

Sean Prunka - 24 March 2017 at 3:31 pm

We've never really hung out at any of the conferences we've both attended, but I know you as a great speaker and a marvelous human being. Enjoy your Kalana and I sincerely hope you find peace in the PHP community. (I'll note that I am not a fan of the Gor books or the Gorean lifestyle, but I do have many fond memories of my visits to Gorean chat channels on dalnet back in the 90s.)

Jason Smith - 24 March 2017 at 4:18 pm

Speechless. Thought about moving over to backdrop? JK But really sorry. Unless there was something criminal that was part of the "confidential information" which if there was you would not post this. I think you have grounds to sue on discrimination. Dries is not God of Drupal and really your personal life has nothing to do with contributing PHP code.

Screw them and keep contributing.

Andrii Podanenko - 24 March 2017 at 4:47 pm

Hey, Crell Great post. Thank you. Appreciate your explanations. I hope you'll continue to be part of the community.

kekperson - 24 March 2017 at 4:54 pm

Clearly it was a well planned move exploiting your social weakness for own good by someone. This is nonsense. Please, consider forking drupal to "bdsm-drupal" and i guarantee that it will be more popular and healthy project than this stinky mass. I don't BDSM and just to clarify: in general i share our russian mentality of not being positive towards gay and transgender people as it is, but it is not something that makes a complete subjective perception of the person, considering one is at least around potato IQ level. Proof: most of the russians know who Freddy Mercury is and pfft 0 cks given, "show must go on". It is too late maybe or against your point of view, but ideally such people must stay and make their "wise" cruel asses burn. Keep it up, world is much larger than this, you are much bigger than this.

Alexei Raiu - 24 March 2017 at 5:28 pm

You don't need to defend yourself. We all enjoy your input into Drupal community and love having you around!

MP - 24 March 2017 at 5:41 pm

In the first paragraphs of reading this, I thought, Keep in mind, this is only one side of the story. But the quoted "reasons" the DA gives are bullshit. He's being let go because of "Be well"? THAT's the extent of the public crossover?

If there are better arguments / clear violations, DA, you better bring them. Otherwise this is witch trial. Being tied to the bed, being "taken," being a sex slave — these are all variations of the primary sexual archetype, which is that one being exerts force over another. This is consensual, it's wanted, but it's force. How many perfectly respectable couples enact rape fantasies? How many women in their 40s will put on school girl uniforms so their husband can feel he's fucking a barely-or-not legal adult? What we do in the bedroom is irrational, and much of what we simulate would be illegal in real life. The basic archetype of sex is that one more powerful person forces themselves over another. Anything that's not this is bland and not sex. But in real life we've learned that cooperation works much better than force. Sex ≠ real life. Sex is the opposite of real life; it's the irrational pouring out of pent up instincts. And having the other person be ok with that, being able to be completely vulnerable with another, completely transparent, fully seen, is the foundation of love. Consent is everything. Which is why the BDSM community, and I'm not a part of it, there are strict rules about consent. But so it is in any sexual relationship. Consent can be withdrawn at any second. And how you react to the withdrawal of consent makes you either a rapist, if you don't comply, or a great lover, if you do. I mean, Cosmo magazine will tell you that much, for goodness sake. Among the several meaningless arguments of the DA, there is no proof Larry has ever forced himself on anyone — outside the workplace or at the workplace, or that he lacks self-control emotionally or professionally. Since clearly he is great at consent and mutual satisfaction — why is a mindful guy being let go? If anything, the supreme self-control required for BDSM must have had a positive influence on his self-discipline and work performance. There are thousands of people with a diaper fetish. There are millions with a foot fetish. What actions like DA's accomplish is to keep their employees’ productivity down by policing parts of their lives that are nobody's business. Would you rather people felt shame around their fetishes? Let them find people who are into the same thing they’re into. Let them feel accepted and loved. Let them be in fulfilling relationships. You want happy, productive employees? Get the fuck out of the BDSM sites. Unless you're there looking for a lover yourself.

Joël Pittet - 24 March 2017 at 6:41 pm

This decision is plainly awful, wrong and saddens me deeply! This shouldn't have gone as far as it has if the Code of Conduct was followed as you mentioned above. I hope the CWG and DA re-evaluate their thoughts and reconsider their decision.

Sorry you had to share your personal life yourself in this way! Glad you had the courage to do so because this discussion obviously needs to happen.

Anonymous - 24 March 2017 at 8:47 pm

I applaud you (with two hands)! You are an incredibly talented individual, who has nothing to be ashamed of in your private life. I have read your argument and Dries blog, and I will say that Dries isn't looking too good right now, because he didn't side with "tolerance". I am so glad that you know who you are, and you aren't going to be bullied. The usual outcome of pain, is growth. It's time to take all of your experience and work ethic, and do something worthwhile - not Drupal. It's time for a change, because you won't be able to work in Drupal anymore, knowing that the community is intolerant. I love that you can hang with the feminists, and agree to disagree. I love the positive comments made by women you have dated. You win!

How does the line get blurred between personal and business? It seems like Drupal was digging for an excuse...any excuse. I look forward to hearing more about you in the future. Be who you are. Keep doing what you are doing. You will be accepted by the right community, and realize you are valued, even if Drupal doesn't.

Has the Drupal Community come out yet, on the Muslim who practices Sharia Law in their personal life? Is "No Sharia Law Muslims Allowed" in the Drupal Code of Conduct? I would like to know how Dries accepts Sharia Law, but was shocked and concerned with Gorean philosophy.

Tony - 25 March 2017 at 1:28 am

Reading this reminded me of Malatesta's argument that standing for "freedom for everybody, limited only by equal freedom for others... does not mean... to respect the ‘freedom’ to exploit, to oppress, to command..."

We can only grow in terms of tolerance when people come out of the closet, so I'm grateful you did so... and your points here all make great sense. However, either Dries and Megan are lying, or they feel everything you've written here is beside the point and that they were responding to something other than your Gorean values. Have they provided any justification which you left out?

Joachim Noreiko - 25 March 2017 at 7:13 am

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You've always been one of the most friendly and welcoming people at DrupalCons, and I'm horrified that you're being booted out after years of being a key member of the community. I'm sorry your private life has been dragged out into the open like this.

I still remember attending your 'This code smells' session at DrupalCon (Paris 2009 probably), and it's been a big influence on how I approach coding.

I really hope this blows over and that I'll see you again at a future DrupalCon.

Withheld to avoid outing someone - 25 March 2017 at 1:43 pm

I'm about as traditional as it comes on sex, exceeded only by my very traditional parents and immigrant in-laws. But when my brother-in-law switched gender identity and came out as being in an M/S, the main reaction in the family was relief to find she had been avoiding us for fear of reprisal, because we all just thought she did not love us anymore. We have family gatherings again. Her "master" has been kind to her at all times. Its so surprising that my ultra traditional family - and by ultra traditional I mean a family with standard power dynamics and lots of female engineers who earn more than their husbands - is more accepting of people with different but consensual practices than the Drupal community.

After being away from Drupal for three years except to maintain existing sites, I am coming back into the community this week only to find this and it makes me want to leave again.

I can't believe this blog post even exists. This is none of my business or anyone else's except Larry's and his partners'. Shameful and I have lost so much respect for Dries.

Dan - 25 March 2017 at 3:28 pm

You must have crossed a line somewhere. It seems doubtful that this was kept private seeing that you are deeply involved in the culture. All it would have taken is a few inderect invites that weren't appreciated or maybe someone who felt in danger after a session. Take a harder look man.

Michael - 25 March 2017 at 11:19 pm

It is not Larry's job to guess why he has been banished. It is not Larry's job to rationalize the horrible way he has been treated. It is the job of the people banishing him to explain his infraction to him. AFAIK Larry doesn't even know if he has done what they've banished him for.

They owe everyone else an explanation as well. Have you done the exact same inexcusable thing they think Larry has? You don't know.

Forklifter - 26 March 2017 at 2:48 am

Take a hard look at how you became like this Dan. Even the "poor", "frightened" women get it while you're a coward.

Christian Meilinger - 26 March 2017 at 12:02 am

I'm devastated to hear what you have to go through. Since two years ago, when Mortendk was bullyed out of the DA board, I've been suspicious about the actions of the DA board. Now, it seems, that this is systematic to its actions and now its enough! I understand that my DA member fees are also used for funding such bullying which forces me to discontinue my membership as soon as it ends in September, unless Dries stops his violation of the Drupal code of conduct. The Drupal community itself is totally different to its narrow minded leader and a seemingly marionette board without democratic values. In 2010 I got involved into the community by meeting Austrian Drupalistas during the DrupalCon Copenhagen. It was such a nice welcome by my fellow Austrians that I really felt like "Come for the software, stay for the community". This was a slogan introduced that year by Gabor Hojtsi in a session. Today I'm so much shocked to learn that the bullying had even started by an Austrian, Klaus Purer. I havn't thought him to be able to commit such actions, just to be now deeply disappointed by him. I have to deeply ask for an apology that this unforgivable bullying started right in my country, I'm so sorry. But there are many Austrians in the community which are really nice and open minded members of the Drupal community. If you can come to the DrupalCon Vienna this September you will be able to see this for yourself. It is sad that people with great ideas like Dries, while becoming more powerful over time, start to forget their roots and violate their own ideals. There is a slight hope that either Dries may understand that he is wrong or that the Drupal community emanzipates itself over its founder to recreate and keep up its ideals. Otherwise the CMS may have already had its zenit of popularity, despite its current quality. Now it feels like "Came for the software, had to leave for a few narrow minded self-important community members". All the best to you, Larry, also from this comment, Christian.

Victor Kane - 26 March 2017 at 1:15 pm

Personally, Larry, first off I have to say, that in the progressive community, we have to spend our energy saying, with Trotsky "onward women and young leaders", saying "Mujer bonita es la que lucha" (A beautiful woman is one who struggles) Long live the female Kurdish freedom fighters, in armed struggle against the fascist Isis. So, no political support for your (personal) cultural choices, I'm afraid. However, that is a conversation (sans blackmail, bullying) between you, one who has done so much for the Drupal community, and me. Nothing to do with the disgraceful and cowardly behavior of the warmonger Dries Buytaert (who openly supports using Drupal for NATO see http://buytaert.net/nato-using-drupal) and others involved in the Mafia style lynching of your membership. It all comes down to the death throes of Drupal, a decadence that is inevitable under capitalism as Big Tech owns and operates open source and free software projects of all kinds.

Jacob - 26 March 2017 at 4:57 pm

I can't stop but to get a weird vibe from Larry getting fired like that. While I don't feel close to his views, I don't see it as a good reason to throw him out altogether. It sounds to me more likely that there was a personal issue and this was used as an excuse. Speaking of Drupal, I feel like the've lost it anyway. I don't see Drupal as something I would use to make websites for my clients. They'd better focus on making a CMS which is attractive and simple instead of throwing out people whom you don't like.

M - 26 March 2017 at 6:51 pm

This seems like an over-inflated defense of behavior that someone learned at a very young age in some kind of AOL chat room. Well you are certainly at the bleeding edge of the "culture war" that is essentially over, save for newer more exotic cases like this. It seems a little over-dramatic to say that you are disappointed in the Drupal community... To me this essentially boils down to the notion that the expected response from the echo chamber was a different viewpoint you couldn't fathom. Not a healthy sign.

This is the problem with all dilemmas like these. The participating side argues for normality, protection against discrimination and acceptance (aka.. "what i do in my own privacy does not affect you"). The opposing side argues that it is morally wrong and unacceptable(aka. "by us accepting this can be done in private, it affects the meaning of what it is to do something morally acceptable, thus affecting us"). Ultimately what is happening is not a simple "you do what you do in your own home, and I do what I do". I tend to side with the latter viewpoint, though I consider myself much more accepting than this comment may seem. I do believe that in judging these case, we are going through the struggle of determining what is ultimately correct acceptable behavior, though these examples are generally in privacy . Is it ok to bully? No. Do people who practice morally wrong behavior outside of work understandably get backlash at work? Yes. This case is walking that fine line, iterating on definition of "moral". Period. To weigh on one side is to judge that all people, in all circumstances should accept that this dom/sub/gor behavior is ok for everyone to do in private. To weigh on the other side is to say that in no circumstance is the same behavior acceptable. It becomes a philosophical discussion on what is right. Thus you as an employee didn't bring it to work, which is fine, and I agree on that standpoint for all private sexual relations. But then it came to work anyway, and it's here to stay. So now not just you, but your chain of command is under threat of answering this distracting question which is basically "what is a morally acceptable". And determining that is not their job. Their decision to pressure you may simply be a decision to try and eliminate distraction, and though unfortunate, it is understandable from a different viewpoint.

Ultimately, I think that this case, and more to come are a new slew of cases on the bleeding edge of the culture war (we can call it the Culture Empire now, since the war has been won, and is long over save a few battles like these). Many of these battles will have a similar flavor here: Fighting for normalcy in relationships that focus on enforcing a strict imbalance of power. So in this grab bag we have left dom/sub/gor, incest, underage relationship, and forms of polygamy. Argue all day about specific cases. But we are talking about imbalance. A weighted die. Imbalance means that specific cases of these are going to weigh towards abuse, which goes hand in hand with power, unfortunately.

Lastly.. let me add. As a former blue collar worker who is trying to move into the tech world (along with many others). There is an impasse here, as I have highlighted. And many of you will laugh. But in overwhelming numbers in certain flourishing corners of the tech world are these bubbles which glory in this notion of diversity and acceptance. But the reality is that those people are as accepting, until they meet someone who doesn't accept diversity. Because those people are wrong in their eyes. The real discrimination that goes on in those "diverse" corners is that they won't accept someone who honestly struggles with these questions of "what should I believe is moral?" It's easy to mischaracterize these people as bigots who simply hate gays/trans/q/dom/sub etc etc. But this is not the case. What it looks like to me is that there are almost two super-religions governing sub-religions. One super-religion is the diversity crowd, and the other is the traditionalist crowd. And there is no way for one to accept the other, because it means becoming the other.

David Rothstein - 26 March 2017 at 8:43 pm

Larry, the story you tell is shocking, and I'm very concerned that a project which I have been heavily involved with for the past decade may have committed an act of gross injustice against you.

The problem is, it is hard to be sure exactly what happened without additional details (and other people seem to be claiming that additional details do exist, which in itself puts you in an unfair position by inviting nefarious speculation that isn't based on any actual publicly-available facts).

I wonder if you could clarify one point:

I do not know if "per my conversation with Dries" means I'm unwelcome in Drupal because of my sex life, I'm unwelcome in Drupal because Dries was afraid Klaus would go public and embarrass the project otherwise, or something else. I have been given no further information than that and still have not been.

Are you saying here that no one (neither Dries, nor Megan, nor anyone else at the Drupal Association) ever gave you a specific list of things that you are alleged to have done/said that led them to take punitive actions against you?

Mike - 27 March 2017 at 3:33 am

Yep, the prurient busybodies strike again, poking their nosy little faces into something that is none of their business. This is NO DIFFERENT than the discrimination that until recently was so commonplace against gays and lesbians. I support your right to live as you wish. You're harming no one and I'm sorry these jackasses are making your personal life a public issue for no good reason.

Ben Longden - 27 March 2017 at 11:24 am

Amazed you had to write this Larry. I'm not part of the Drupal community but you are my closest link to it. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this now. It's tough to read, hard to respond to and an order of magnitude harder to go through it, I'm sure. Carry on being awesome.

Wendy - 27 March 2017 at 5:34 pm

I have no knowledge of Larry Garfield in the professional arena but, as many here and on Dries' page have wondered about his private actions, I feel I must respond. I met Larry in the kink community. I dated him for a time. We entertained the idea of a relationship but it did not go that far because we were, at a fundamental level, incompatible (I am not Gorean). That was seven years ago and we remain friends to this day.

In all interactions I had with Larry on a personal level he was respectful, kind, and compassionate. Many times people get stuck on the words "slave" and "submissive". Culturally speaking these are very charged words and they should be when they are used to refer to a non-consensual situation. But in this context, the context of a consensual, adult relationship, those words hold all the power. The woman in the relationship is there because she chooses to be. There is no abuse in such a relationship. In fact, the woman can walk away at any time or stop any actions with a single word. The relationship is built on trust and mutual understanding.

That, above all, shows the character of Larry Garfield. Women trust him and feel respected enough by him to allow themselves the opportunity to submit to him. Before judging a lifestyle or belief take the time to truly understand it.

And no, Larry has not asked me to write this. In fact he may be very upset with me speaking in his defense but I could not, in good conscience, keep silent.

skaught - 27 March 2017 at 7:48 pm

Our thoughts and hopes stand with you too.

Peos - 28 March 2017 at 1:01 am

"I say the world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! " -Bender B. Rodriguez, circa 3003

boombatower - 28 March 2017 at 2:04 am

Sadly nothing new. Same style of treatment I received by CWG while being ostracized for different reasons and is the reason Drupal does not have sub-minute full test suite runs (instead an hour). Apparently to the SJW crowd that masquerade as tolerant, preaching a world view is more important than the entire reason we are all interacting...to build quality software. I tried to make my situation public, but it never went anywhere. After seeing chx and others I hope for your sake that public outrage makes a difference, but those involved in this sort of thing fundamentally are intolerant of anyone not like them and those at the top seem to share those views even if they are not as vocal to that effect. Tolerance of intolerance is cowardice and those in the DA (and similar) seem to espouse that in spades. The result is the best talent, which tend to focus on the actual task at hand rather then finding things in which to take offense, are all kicked out leaving a dead husk.

Anna - 28 March 2017 at 7:37 am

So sorry you're going through this. Your private life should be off-limits. This is bogus.

Giorgos Kontopoulos - 28 March 2017 at 7:51 am

We stand behind you ... Take these comments of this thread and go to DA ... They have done wrong and they should correct it ...

random - 28 March 2017 at 8:03 am

Ok you can wear religious symbols around your neck, But wearing a something akin to a buttplug around your neck when giving a speech, thats a different story. Otherwise private shit is private and drupal is wrong for what they did.

Trae McCombs - 28 March 2017 at 9:20 am

Holy crap, seriously? I left the drupal community about 10 years ago. I switched over to WP because well... I liked the ease of updating and Merlineofchaos wouldn't build an auto-update feature for me! ;) Anyway... I've been to a few Drupalcon's and even snowboarded with Dries who I've always respected and loved. There are great people in the drupal community: chx! webchick! you people know who you are. ;) But this just seems really out of context to me. If there is proof of someone (Larry -- we've never met I don't think) berating people, then it needs to come forth. Right now as it is... this situation is crazy.

I say "be well" all the time to people. Had no clue it had BDSM connotations, but that's not going to stop me saying it. It means I want you to be well! I care about you.

sigh I'm posting not because I support BDSM... but I think what people do in their bedroom is no one elses business and as such should be left that way.

Let's grow up and move on.

Cas Tuyn - 28 March 2017 at 9:59 am

I feel terrible that Drupal management chose to exclude/excommunicate you over your hidden lifestyle. If anyone should be punished it is the over-sensitive people who went CSI on your well-shielded private life with no other purpose than to expose you and get rid of you.

I am not gay, but I don't mind other people being gay (less competition, haha), I am an atheist, but I don't mind other people believing in something AS LONG AS they do not hurt anyone or do something illegal. That's why I do oppose IS and Salafism but get along well with moderate muslims.

I remember long ago the Reiser case where the very promising Reiser File System got sidestepped after Hans Reiser was arrested for killing his wife. He commited a crime that rubbed off on his work. But I see nothing illegal in your private behaviour, so there is no reason to treat you like this. I urge Dries Buytaert to reinstate you and educate the Drupal community that personal lifestyle is personal.

You don't know me - 28 March 2017 at 11:31 am

It takes a lot of guts to come forwards like this although it really is the only option besides giving in to extortion. You did the right thing and I admire you for that. I don't care about your (or anyone elses') personal matters as long as it doesn't cause any harm to others (yours don't, as explained in your article). So why would anyone care? This is not about your preferences. This is about other people who still feel the need (and justification) to judge others. Judging is always done with respect to your own personal opinions and beliefs which do not necessarily apply to other people. If you do feel your belief system applies to others you better question your believes instead of judging others.

I wish you all the best and that you can continue doing what you love doing. If you can't do it from within the "official" community do it from the outside. There will be many people who will appreciate you and your work. Hold on to those people because they are your friends. The rest are just critters.

BE WELL!!!

Sloane - 28 March 2017 at 3:48 pm

Larry - I'm sorry that this has happened. I urge you to contact the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, as well as the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. You're quite right in that being interested in or engaging in power exchange relationships does not mean that we translate those internal relationship dynamics to our professional or community relationships; I'm sorry that folks are stuck in a space of conflating that. And for what it's worth, if the Drupal community suddenly banned every kinky person in their ranks, the group would be decimated (or worse). Ask me how I know that :)

If I can offer any support, let me know.

ShelLuser - 30 March 2017 at 10:22 am

Sorry for the false logon a moment ago, I was under the impression that you had to register but couldn't find an option, so I tried to enforce that (using this same alias but a silly password). I just had to vent.

I wanted to thank you for your post and to share my sympathies with your endeavors. I came here courtesy of 'El Reg' (The Register, an online IT news website) which carried the story around your person and well... It disgusts me. If your personal interests and activities didn't affect your work within the project then I really fail to understand how that should have been an issue.

Its the same with people being offended about certain harmless "double" remarks which could have a different meanings. Referring to comments which might imply something erotic or sexual while in fact nothing is mis said at all. You know.. the "We do it twice a day!". Some people will immediately pick that up as a sexual remark, others might not. So here's the noodle: wouldn't you agree that the way you pick up on something like that tells us more about you than about the comment itself?

To me this is no different. I definitely understand that some people are not into your sexual preferences and might even be a little put off by it. But just because they are doesn't mean that it would affect the whole project. It only affects those who let it affect them, and those are more than often people who preach equality and tolerance yet will immediately show an extreme amount of intolerance the very moment you disagree with them.

Not to mention that people higher up in an hierarchy will more than often get negatively affected by that as well. You know... "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely". I see some serious parallels here. A healthy community and good functioning hierarchy would have ways to prevent all this. Well, going by your story here and what I read on El Reg I have my doubts here. Even when I keep in mind that, no offense intended, we mostly get a one sided story here. Several things simply don't add up.

As stated on El Reg, and I'm dead serious: I'm not a Drupal user myself. But if I was then I'd seriously be looking out for a replacement right now. I'm the kind of nutjob who doesn't only like and appreciate Open Source and software freedom, I also try to help make it work. By doing my (small) parts from time to time. You know: trying to help people out with problems, trying to share my opinions on certain issues (backed by motivation) and so on. I do that because I believe in the movement and ideals behind it. Freedom.

This display of intolerance seriously has no place there in my opinion and it's why I don't want have anything to do with it anymore.

I wish you all the best here!

knibals - 30 March 2017 at 11:46 am

Hi Larry! You are right about homosexuality and the Abrahamic religion. Being a muslim myself, I have very strong positions against homosexuality and such, but... You don't deserve all the shitty things who happens to you. What you do in private, anyone should give a damn. You were, you are, one of the greatest/eminent member of OUR community. I respect as a human being and as a major Drupal member. I'll keep learning from the great materials you give us on Youtube and Github.

Continue to be strong. You have all my respect.

John Doe - 30 March 2017 at 11:52 am

Hi It is really sad that you were trated that way. And I respect you much for having balls to talk about it publicly, i mean both, about your life style and, how you were treated by that company. What they did is pure discrimination. It is time to ABANDON DRUPAL COMPLETELY, if they treat you that way so I don't want use that product anymore. Peace.

KC - 30 March 2017 at 12:22 pm

I only use Drupal to make websites, not to have sex. Therefore, I have attended previous DrupalCons to learn things about making websites, and I have consistently learned things from you. (Normally I don't give a crap about people's personal lives, but I read this because it's from you, so interests me).

I assure the Drupal leadership that I haven't changed my sexual practices at all despite attending many sessions and even evening events you were attending during those conferences.

I wish I hadn't already decided not to attend Baltimore for political reasons so I could not attend in protest of this action against you.

Tom Whiston - 30 March 2017 at 12:22 pm

I'm extremely saddened to hear that this happened to you Larry, any time I have heard you speak or have a discussion you always brought something constructive and exciting to the table and it's awful that you would be bullied and discriminated against for something that is frankly no ones business but yours, and which takes place within a consensual environment. I would expect better from the Drupal community/leadership than this and frankly it makes me angry to know that this occurred to such a key member of the Drupal world. Please know that many of us value all the contributions that you have made to Drupal and will continue to do so.

Beth - 30 March 2017 at 1:53 pm

No one should have all their professional work diminished by workplace bullies. And thinking of their motivation - likely envy they are (for any number of reasons) incapable of achieving the output that you are able to. ALMOST makes you feel sorry for them, that is, until they bully you.

I suffered a workplace bully, a ruthless venomous developer who was great at self-promotion. I felt helpless, victimized, and unsupported. Larry, you standing up publicly is an inspiration to all who have felt that same powerlessness.

Best of luck to you and best wishes for you future. TBH, this is probably going to be a turning point you look back on with gratitude (though it may take a lot of time to see it).

John Connor - 30 March 2017 at 2:00 pm

I am so saddened by these actions against Larry. He is a great presenter, a nice person and a fine advocate for the Drupal community. I think he should be reinstated now and the person who took private conversations from a private site and made them public should be removed from the any association with the Drupal organization and DA now. What is going on Dries?????

E - 30 March 2017 at 2:44 pm

This is Discrimination, plain and simple. Sue their asses.

Jocke - 30 March 2017 at 3:25 pm

Hi Larry,

Ive really liked the drupal project but this story makes me feel I wanna slap the bullies up.

Ben Gong - 30 March 2017 at 3:52 pm

Well, when I was a very Drupal beginner in 2014 (heard the name for the first time in Feb 2014), I bought a book of which Larry Garfield is one of the authors (Drupal 7 Module Development). Then in the summer of 2015 I attended the Drupal camp in Minneapolis, MN. There I attended two presentations by Larry Garfield and I was very impressed. Then I attended the final discussion that was also attended by Larry. During the discussion, Angie Byron (the webchick) said that she would like Drupal to become such a tool that Drupal users do not need to take computer sciences classes any more. But Larry said that Drupal users should learn more computer science stuff in order to make better use of Drupal. I happen to agree with him, because as I am learning Drupal, I find out that is is rather challenging to do input in Drupal without writing some customized modules! As some other people here, I have a difficult time understanding what BDSM/LGBT people do, but that is totally their own private business and it is none of anyone else's business! I am going to read Dries' post soon and see what he has to say.

Hang in there Larry.

Ben

Ben Gong - 30 March 2017 at 5:06 pm

Well, I read everything Dries has had to say, but he has only alluded to some confidential information that has led him to make his decision. I think we need to see such information revealed in a way that also protects Larry's victims, if Larry does indeed have victims. But from all the posts that I have read, only one woman complained about Larry being "hostile" towards her.

f.k. - 30 March 2017 at 4:24 pm

Unfortunately I do not speak good English, I hope I can express it in English. I am stunned what I have to read here, I am infinitely sorry that you have to bear that. I can only wish you a lot of strength to get through that.

I have drupal built a fetish community and private latex site, I must now fear that the page will be deleted only because Drupal leadership think differently. That is ridiculous. I'm still speechless what happened to you. I would never have thought of Drupal not Dries.

I wish you all the best

F.k. Germany

Nathan Frerichs - 30 March 2017 at 8:40 pm

WTF, Dries? WTMFF!!! I'm seriously taking a long, hard look at Wordpress.

JustKristin - 30 March 2017 at 11:16 pm

I am a beginner Drupal dev who has gained from your involvement in the community. I am also involved in the BDSM community. I hope that the actions of the Drupal board isn't a sign that I should be switching my career path. I can't support a group that punishes people for consensual activities that have nothing to do with their subject matter.

Luke - 31 March 2017 at 10:18 am

This bullshit and you have my support. I don't care what you do privately it's your business. You have conducted yourself professionally as far as I can tell.

I can't speak for the community and each person should do as they see fit. As for me, I am suspending my Drupal commitments as of right now. That means no bug fixes to contrib or core, no meetup groups, no conferences, no DA membership ... basically no contribution.

Joshua Freeman - 31 March 2017 at 4:01 pm

I was said to read this story. You expressed yourself very well. I think Dries and others in the Drupal leadership would be smart to re-think their attitudes and their actions. You are owed apologies, to be sure. I hope this does happen. I am 'no one' in the Drupal community but if we were voting you'd get mine!

Joshua Freeman - 31 March 2017 at 4:01 pm

I was *SAD* to read this blog post. not *said*... sheesh.

does it matter - 2 April 2017 at 9:56 am

shame on you dries, really mate WTF

Thomas Seidl - 2 April 2017 at 4:24 pm

As said in my comment on your later post, thanks a lot for sharing this!

However, I do have one point of criticism: It feels to me (after some reflection) that including Klaus' name in this post was neither necessary nor wise. You might (justly) feel he hasn't treated you fairly, but apparently there were more people behind the scenes and he was just the only one with the guts to actually contact you. Publically shaming him like this, while all the others hide safe in their anonymity seems unproductive, and rather petty. (Especially if, as Dries and Megan mention, there are now CWG investigations into their actions, too.) If one feels attacked in an unjust way, it's important (though hard) to not stoop to the others' (perceived) level.

em - 2 April 2017 at 9:48 pm

Dude this is absolutely terrible and dumb beyond measure. If this happened in alabama or some place, it would be understandable. You're looking at intelligent people working in tech and unwilling to look beyond their shit.

Bradley D. Thornton - 2 April 2017 at 10:43 pm

I should open with, "So you're a Gorean? lolz...",

But I'll save you the friendly jab with my elbow. You already know that despite the fact that whatever your particular flavors are within the lifestyle, especially with respect to the D/s dynamic, whether it's Male Het Leather or whatev, is just as valid as furry's, little's, well... You know the saying, "Your kink may not be my kink, but you're still okay and that's valid" - paraphased of course.

Nevertheless, Gorean subculture is relegated to the margins of the lifestyle, and many don't take it seriously. I give a chuckle myself at times, preferring to live in a full time M/s relationship where possible.

I'm going to berate you now a bit. Because to me, it is unacceptable for nilla's to condescend me. I simply dismiss that type of bigotry as coming from the insignificant and downtrodden, backward thinking bigots who, like Jack Nicholson said when speaking to Peter Fonda in Easy Rider, "They're afraid of the freedom you have - that's why they hate you". Again, paraphrased.

I'm going to say that, and I'm in the minority here, this is your fault and you brought it upon yourself because you don't wear your lifestyle on your sleeve without apology - congrats for finally coming out and declaring your pride for your life choices, but a day late and a dollar short IMNSHO, to avoid damage to your career.

Would you have experienced prejudice, ignorance, and discrimination had you always worn your self and your lifestyle on your sleeve? Well, sure, but you would have amassed a command of a fair career with no skeletons in the closet so to speak - to wit: Nothing to fall from grace over. Being upfront and out in the open is, to me, one of my greatest strengths, and I choose not to do business with anyone who takes exception to the way I live my life, so... their loss if they don't like it.

In your case, however innocently, you held your lifestyle secreted, as the majority of folks do, but always in the back of your mind you knew that if someday it surfaced, that it would seem as if you had something to conceal - this is exactly what happened my friend. Fuck them. Easy to say now, but as far as I'm concerned, they would have had to accept you for ALL of who you are waaay baaack, and there would be no grace to fall from when some stupid vanilla decided that their morals were correct for everyone on the planet.

In all of my dealings professionally, I make no agenda to hide my lifestyle, and even comment at times on what's going on in my life, when my woman and I are going to attend a dungeon party instead of attending a company function, or whatever. If they don't like that... fuck 'em.

It hasn't hurt me a bit over the decades, yet it has prevented me from some professional opportunities. Being upfront about being WHO I AM IN REAL LIFE, prevents me from having to associate with nilla's that are prejudicial bigots.

One thing you said above I found laughable. An old joke from, Hustler Magazine I think, back in the 70's when I was a kid has stuck with me my whole life. Back then there were Pussycat Theatres and such, and the cartoon depicted two couples - one going into the theatre and one coming out.

They know each other, neighbors, fellow churchgoers, co-workers, whatev. Point being, they really don't know each other because one couple says, "Joan, Dan! What are you two doing coming out of a place like this?", to which the couple leaving following the movie says, " We just wanted to see what kind of people come to a place like this.", lolz...

In truth, and you know where I'm going with this, both couples were in denial, and both were lying to themselves and each other. They just wanted to go and watch a pr0n movie - and there's nothing wrong with that, unless there's something wrong with you (Klaus and Dries - that means you two boneheads!).

So at this point, I'm quite inclined to rally up some folks over in the communities that I'm sure I don't need to mention, and let them know just how moronic these two drupaliers are, and urge thousands of folks from the community to barrage them with phone calls and emails. I'm still on the fence about that. I feel your pain, and have little sympathy for you at the same time, as much as I empathize. I think you understand.

I'm noted for saying a couple of catch phrases that I've come up with over the years. The first being an axiom in the industry - "You can do it right, or you can do it twice.", and this one, which I think you'll appreciate especially, which I urge you to conjure the next time a nilla demonstrates just how idiotic they're false sensibilities and self-important moral fabric really is, because it's a lesson for those nilla's from one of the greatest leaders in history:

For it was enough, not to eat what you did not like. But he who reflects on another man's want of breeding, shows he wants it, as much, himself.

-Gaius Julius Caesar-

In short, it means, "You're lucky I don't have you eviscerated and hung upside down from the roof of your house, for insulting the way I dip my corndog into catsup instead of mustard like you do - I am the Emperor of this realm and you are but a vassal.

From here on out Larry, do all of us in the lifestyle a plus and wear your lifestyle proudly on your sleeve. Be not afraid and even less apologetic for insisting on exhibiting the freedom to be who you are.

Kindest regards,

Bradley D. Thornton Manager Network Services http://NorthTech.US

Sylvain Lecoy - 4 April 2017 at 7:12 am

Larry, in behalf of all the men victim of this kind of abuse. You need to take legal actions.

I am following you and supporting you till 5 years now in the drupal community, we cannot let this happen. I am angry and every men should be angry about that. This is not acceptable. Take legal action and speak up for you, for us.

Sylvain - 4 April 2017 at 8:09 am

Have you never noticed people claiming they are the more tolerent never tolerate different people ? And on the contrary people which are pointed as different are the most tolerent ? Man I am so angry for you, this is something I see coming since years, a society which allows any talk - even the most radical speach - in favor of women's right but systematically silent or threaten men's right is part of the problem.

You have rights Larry, the same as any one here. You need to pursue them. This is unacceptable.

I left the Drupal community 4 years ago, when I started to understand what kind of people were running it. I am sorry it took you so many years to realize. People who dump their best employees like garbage should not call themselve tolerent. You always has been a model for me during my 3 years working with drupal project. All your work and speach has been inspirational. Any way you might not know me I was the guy constantly against Views.

This will only get worse and we need to react to this injustice. Do not let this happen, the world needs to know.

nick - 5 April 2017 at 6:24 pm

I have never imagined that Dries could be blackmailed that easily. Who needs such a weakling in a lead position? It is Dries who should handover all positions. Let's get together and remove Dries from Drupal.

triple5 - 6 April 2017 at 6:09 am

Private things should be private. Although I am convinced that relationships should generally be strengthened by empathy and not through power, I am sure that this can be done in different ways. We need to work together may we follow any path on this earth but when it comes to things like public work, open source, freedom and liberty, it is even more important to speak out, to cry out for exactly these values. As a Muslim member of society I get to feel this personally in similar ways as you, getting cut of from certain communities that claim to serve society. And no, it is private, yet in our time we cannot help make some things public, in return we must refrain ourselves from assuming wrong about anyone based on some of those public fragments. I know little of exactly what happened, and I don't know you or your work, but still speak out, because this is what our society needs: that we make Assumptions for the better of a person. In Islam a saying of the Prophet (sunna) goes: I will post this also to Dries somehow.

Barry - 9 April 2017 at 3:21 pm

Wow. They really screwed you over and acted illegally. Cowards. Where are the charges? Why were you fired?

D G - 10 April 2017 at 4:56 pm

Hi Larry, You've always been respectful of me as a woman, colleague, and human being. You are a wonderful giving person. No one deserves to be treated poorly. You certainly don't.

I appreciate your courage and bravery. Be well, D

Frank Moore - 12 April 2017 at 2:00 pm

"Diversity and inclusion except for people we don't like." Please don't grovel. These people do not accept apologies. Once you've become a target, you need to own who you are and what you're about.

KT - 14 April 2017 at 1:43 pm

This post scares the crap out of me because I work at a company where they tout 'high Christian values' and I have been quietly existing in the ranks as a bisexual, polyamorous, kinkster, heathen. Over time there are details that have unavoidably come out - such as conversation regarding my girlfriend having a husband, and how we all live in one house or my lack of belief in God as most see it - but other details have thankfully remained in the dark because of the atmosphere at the office and there being a literal 'morality clause' in my work contract. Should rumors of this nature surface about me I could - and likely would - be fired on the spot and I'm sure it would ruin my prospects indefinitely because the tech industry talks, as you've pointed out.

I applaud your standing up to unequivocally denounce the rumors, every word rings true about lifestyle/orientation and the society that judges it just like it used to do against homosexuality. Until I am self employed, having a skill set that is utterly indispensible, or independently wealthy, I don't see myself ever having the freedom to do so.

Matt - 16 April 2017 at 10:59 am

I'm in a long-term (30 years now) vanilla heterosexual relationship. It's taken me and my wife years to learn to communicate as openly and honestly as you have here. I also have little knowledge of any of these relationships and don't care to. So long as there's mutual consent, it nobody's business.

It's mind boggling to me that groups who claim inclusiveness resort to this kind treatment. And I'd wager in any lifetime, most people have said or done things that if made public would not be looked upon kindly by friends, family, co-workers.

I'm reminded of a gay friend of mine who was being emotionally abused by her partner. It was in the shadows, with her being restricted in what she did and who she had as friends. She was unhappy, it was not her choice, and we encouraged her to leave that relationship. And yet we would never consider an argument to eject other gay women from a community.

Voluntary sexual activities are just that, voluntary. It's time for these aggressors to look themselves in the mirror and be honest about their own prejudices.

Joan Cervan - 17 April 2017 at 10:14 pm

I don't like, at all, what DA and its "leader" is doing. I think this intolerant behavior is unacceptable. I don't like, either, Dries role. In fact, I don't like permanent leaderships (Dries/Aquia): I prefer Debian model and I think Drupal community should work is that direction. Finally, I don't know Larry, probably I won't meet him (because I didn't pass the Atlantic sea :-) ) but I like his post, and I'd like give him my best wished and thank him his courage. Thanks for fight:

There are men who fight one day and are good. There are men who fight one year and are better. There are some who fight many years and they are better still. But there are some that fight their whole lives, these are the ones that are indespensable.

Bertolt Brecht

Dean Van Greunen - 18 April 2017 at 5:49 am

Shame on those whom have done what they have done. I agree fully with you, I read your story, it may be late. Just got an email at 6am from codeproject which stated and included this from [ref 1] I hope we all can stand together and unite as a community against this outrages matter. Its a major concern as well. in perspective to what the owner/CEO said about and to you. what an Unprofessional way to conduct things :( and here I thought, people stood by their words, especially big and strong words on a code of conduct, yet even the owners cannot follow. How childish have things started to become. I feel like exploding in a massive flame and just lighting a candle for all those whom have "Personal Issues" with you "Personal Life".

I'm a straight male guy. I wear females clothing with no problem and I like it, I'm not a drag queen or anything like that, just a fetish. yet people still will look at you funny (not in a "ha ha" way), as it is not "their" norm.

references: ref 1. link: https://heatst.com/tech/drupal-contributors-threaten-to-quit-after-a-developer-is-banned-for-his-private-sex-life/

Krishnan - 18 April 2017 at 2:00 pm

Hi, If you're ever in need of a job, or just a place to hang out -- we live in Paradise!, give me/us a shout. Regards, Krishnan

Maggie - 19 April 2017 at 6:16 pm

Please make a documentary.

Random internet supporter - 19 April 2017 at 10:28 pm

What a mess. I literally have zero clue or opinion about Drupal, you, or anything you do with your private sex life, and that's as it should be. What has happened to you is simply horrible and is an awful reminder that, no matter the "day and age" some people are willing to abuse their positions to force their ideals down other people's throats; no doubt those same people would see themselves as bastions of "freedom". Very sad. . I hope that it all works out for you in your favour, and that you can go back to living your life the way you see fit.

And remember - it will be OK in the end and if it's not OK, it's not the end :)

SR - 20 April 2017 at 4:40 pm

We should include or exclude people from our community based upon their actions. The "thought police" are just as despicable on the left as the right. This witch hunt is a disgrace.

Madge - 22 April 2017 at 4:52 pm

If a Gorean couple has a baby girl, does she have to be Gorean? Is she born into a female Gorean role? I'm curious.

Larry - 2 May 2017 at 8:04 pm

I don't know that there's a universal answer there. Also, "female Gorean role" is not a single thing. Does a Christian couple raise their kids Christian? Does a Progressive couple raise their kids Progressive? They probably try, but kids don't always listen. :-)

Do Gorean parents try to instill a sense of honor, responsibility, and strength in their kids? I would certainly hope so. Will they instill a sense of "the man of the house"? Quite possibly if only by osmosis. Kids will pick up on whatever their parents are doing (good or bad), so setting a loving example is important (and either a Gorean free companionship or M/s relationship can and should be a loving one).

If you mean "do they raise girls just to be slaves", then in my experience, fuck no. Being in an M/s relationship is a personal choice that no one should be forced into, not even (especially?) by their parents. I know one Gorean couple with kids personally; they have 2 boys and 2 girls (3 of them under age 10). I've never seen them treat the girls as "lesser" than the boys in any way.

Burt Lo - 26 May 2017 at 9:34 am

Pardon if I misspeak with regard to nomenclature here... I don't want to be misconstrued because I used unfamiliar language for some of what's been discussed about Larry. I can't help but feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings about these circumstances.

My notable (IMHO) contribution to the Drupal community has been two presentations of "Emotional Fitness for Techies", which was hardly popular, but favorably commented on by a few that attended. Emotional development has been a primary pursuit of mine for close to fifteen years now, and has fundamentally benefitted my lifelong career as a tech professional; both in my personal experience working in a predominantly intellectual capacity, and also within all my professional relations.

Larry, thank you for demonstrating healthy emotional maturity. I've had only the smallest exposure to the sexual lifestyle that people are discussing, and my only opinion about it is that it's Larry's inalienable right to choose how he expresses himself in this way; I honor his personal freedom as I would hope others would honor mine.

I had only learned of this today after a catchup meeting with a friend from my previous Drupal experiences. I was aghast at all the effects of Larry's personal life being exposed, angered that people would behave that way towards ANYONE, let alone someone that has been such a longtime, deep contributor of this community. I was deeply disappointed that leadership wouldn't take this opportunity to honor the freedoms of Larry, as opposed to castrating him publicly from a shockingly judgmental perspective. I had mistakenly believed that Drupal represented a leading edge of humanity, being such a champion of Open Source, demonstrating a bond within humanity that knew few boundaries. And yet, the fallout has been documented, thankfully, for others (like myself) to review, consider, and comment.

Thus, I primarily want to thank Larry for his dignity and grace, maintaining his integrity and self respect amidst this horrendous treatment by others, and I want to acknowledge that his depth of compassion for himself, and demonstrably for others, is a quality that I find admirable, and necessary, for humanity to move forward progressively in a way that is far more important than through technology.

Larry, you have my gratitude and deep respect for sharing yourself as openly as you have. I wish I could have an effect on those that have mistreated you; I know that in my past, I was poorly educated on how to respond to wildly different ideas and lifestyles, that I, too, have behaved poorly.

What I've learned is that "amends" are a step towards healing, where we amend our behavior. Whether an apology is made or not, recognizing when I cause damage, admitting that to the one I hurt, and committing to not repeating that behavior, is a means of making progress towards a kinder, more loving world; it is a means towards me becoming a better human being.

I hope that the people involved in this situation (especially the leadership, whomever they are) will consider, and become willing, to make amends as they see fit. I, for one, commit to acting in a respectful manner when someone's private life is inappropriately exposed; and/or when their lifestyle is so different than mine, that I pause and seek counsel of others before reacting in a way that could cause harm.

Casper Voogt - 14 June 2017 at 3:40 pm

It greatly saddens me to see this sort of behavior from people in the Drupal community. Not yours - the puritan bullies. I think you have handled this well. You're a major asset to Drupal and I just can't believe the shortsightedness of the bullies.

TMI About me

About Drupal

What I don't bring to work

Recent events

Wait, what?

The "charges"

So here we are

Comments